Camaraderie is the new luxury
Hey. Hi. Try this.
This week I’d love to share some of my notes with you on why the hotel brand that I’m building is all about camaraderie.
TLDR
Part 1: An Amazing New Friend Group > A Ferrari
We are experiencing an epidemic of loneliness
Our brains are wired for social connection, IRL - social connection with other humans releases more dopamine than interactions with devices (of course, but yes, they actually had to scientifically prove that recently)
Modern adults have less close friendships than they used to, and often lament their lack of close friends
Transformational travel experiences are already delivered by hosts that act as “professional friends”
Camaraderie and “connective labour” are the new luxury
Part 2: The business of camaraderie
Retreat experiences that deliver camaraderie garner the same price point as a 5 star hotel
The hotel brand that I’m building is designed to be the answer to all these needs
Ready? Let’s go. I’ve made this jam packed, fun, and scan-able for you.
Part 1: An Amazing New Friend Group > A Ferrari
We are experiencing an epidemic of loneliness
It is likely that half of everyone you meet today is experiencing deep loneliness. This epidemic has been exacerbated by technology and results in mental illness and disease. A landmark study on loneliness by former U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy explains:
“In recent years, about one-in-two adults in America reported experiencing loneliness. And that was before the COVID-19 pandemic cut off so many of us from friends, loved ones, and support systems, exacerbating loneliness and isolation. Loneliness is far more than just a bad feeling—it harms both individual and societal health. It is associated with a greater risk of cardiovascular disease, dementia, stroke, depression, anxiety, and premature death. The mortality impact of being socially disconnected is similar to that caused by smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day, and even greater than that associated with obesity and physical inactivity. And the harmful consequences of a society that lacks social connection can be felt in our schools, workplaces, and civic organizations, where performance, productivity, and engagement are diminished.”
Our brains are wired for social connection, IRL. Social connection with other humans releases more dopamine than interactions with devices
Researchers have also recently proven that in-person interactions lead to higher levels of dopamine versus interactions with a computer. Although there are countless benefits of the hyperconnectivity of technology, we are still wired for in-person human connection. See another quote from Murthy’s report on loneliness:
“Social connection is a fundamental human need, as essential to survival as food, water, and shelter. Throughout history, our ability to rely on one another has been crucial to survival. Now, even in modern times, we human beings are biologically wired for social connection. Our brains have adapted to expect proximity to others. Our distant ancestors relied on others to help them meet their basic needs. Living in isolation, or outside the group, means having to fulfill the many difficult demands of survival on one’s own. This requires far more effort and reduces one’s chances of survival. Despite current advancements that now allow us to live without engaging with others (e.g., food delivery, automation, remote entertainment), our biological need to connect remains.”
Modern adults have less close friendships than they used to, and often lament their lack of close friends
I’ve had so many friends ask me how I go about making new friends as an adult, or if I can connect them to friends of mine, or if I can explain how, where, and when I met all the amazing people in my life. Apart from reminding these friends that I don’t have kids so it’s easier to prioritize socializing, I usually say something like:
“Friendship equals continued exposure to the same group of amazing people, over time.”
I’ve found that you can speed up that “over time” if you are all in a continued shared experience, over at least a long weekend (same time frame as a wedding or short retreat).
You especially need this unencumbered time because people have less and less interactions with people in person nowadays due to the rise of remote work, as well as dwindling numbers of close friends the older that one gets. This quote from an aptly named Vox article by Allie Volpe “Is making friends as an adult really hard, or is it just me?” hits the nail on the head:
“Although over 60 percent of Americans consider having close friends crucial for a fulfilling life, 8 percent of people 18 and older report having no close friends… as we get older, our social circle starts to diminish. One study found that people generally have the most friends at age 25. After that, we’re in a gradual friend decline for the rest of our lives.”
As a proponent of the power of *mindful* travel, I think one of the best ways to tackle societally induced problems like this is to first change locations and explore — put yourself out there in a completely new environment, note what you discover about how others live their lives, and recognize what you pick up on as inspiration for yours.
Transformational travel experiences are already delivered by hosts who act as “professional friends”
In research conducted as part of my MBA, most participants, when interviewed about transformational travel experiences, related stories of camaraderie and deep thoughtfulness delivered by hosts and experiences alongside new friends that were made. These hosts act almost like “professional friends” in that they not only deliver services and products, but also exemplify what fulfillment looks like and engage personally with guests. Take a look at one of my favorite respondent quotes from my surveys that I constantly think about (thanks to this person, you know who you are):
“I remember staying in a treehouse in the jungle in Kauai. The owner of the property built several treehouses to put them on Airbnb to build a house for his wife and his mother-in-law. (I later found out that as soon as the house was done, he took down the Airbnb listings!). He later invited us to a party at the house with his friends. We were some of the only people wearing shoes. He had planted the property with all manner of tropical fruits, and chickens roamed everywhere. Hungry? Grab a coconut off the pile, there's the machete. Here are some fresh eggs that I just gathered. Hot? Walk down the path to the water. Giant spiders? Well, they keep the cockroaches away. Again, it made me feel like I WAS HAWAIIAN, not that I was an outsider traveling to Hawaii.”
Now that’s a travel experience.
Camaraderie and “connective labor” are the new luxury.
These “professional friends” as I call them exemplify what is also known as “connective labor.”
Connective Labor
Term coined by Sociologist Allison Pugh
Definition: “The collaborative work of emotional recognition. This includes three key components—empathetic listening, emotion management…, and the act of “witnessing,” in which one individual reflects back what they have seen”
Tell me more: Check out the rest of Elizabeth Fetterolf’s interview with Allison Pugh
For the modern traveler, shared experiences and camaraderie are as essential as a bed to sleep in. Witnessing the best in the hospitality industry at work - “professional” friendship,” or “connective labor,” is what you’re actually seeing — plus an amazing food, drink, bed, insight, or EXPERIENCE as deliverables.
Many hotels have started to prioritize experiences over luxury items. But I’d argue that the next frontier is camaraderie as a KPI.
(And yes, one of those experiences could be renting and driving the aforementioned Ferrari for the thrill of it).
PART 2: The business of camaraderie
Retreat experiences that deliver camaraderie garner the same price point as a 5-star hotel
Hotels are focusing more and more on offering unique story-driven experiences to their guests, but miss the opportunity to foster camaraderie among guests.
The rise of amazing retreat experiences put on by friends of mine such as Camp Chateau, a summer camp for women, College of Extraordinary Experiences, a rapid prototyping conference for experience designers in a castle in Poland, and Walkshop, a guided hiking group for busy executives, all show that there is a greater desire for shared experiences, “networking,” and high-level friendship-building when traveling. Note: these types of luxe experiences typically last for at least 5 days. Additionally, these listed specific stay experiences alone command price points of 400 - 800 eu per night, squarely within the same price range as a 5-star hotel stay per night in Barcelona, without offering the same expensive-to-produce amenities and often requiring that guests who don’t know each other to bunk together in the same room (so fun, but we will not be doing this at our hotel, different model).
Travelers, particularly those in my target, often hope to make new friends while traveling, especially during longer or extended stays and “nomadic” periods. These people currently turn to apps that connect strangers for meals like Breakfast, Lunchclub, The Meet, legacy sites like Meetup, or coworking spaces or clubs in an effort to make new friends. Some hotel brands have started to offer social calendars and club models that address guests’ desires to make new friends, like The Social Hub, Soho House, and Zoku, but do so under the aim of facilitating “networking” and business connections first rather than social bonds, and cater first to the business traveler and coworking set rather than the traveler on vacation. It goes without saying that people spend more when traveling versus when living their daily lives, further reflecting the ability to capture more money than clubs or coworking per guest. Given that business travelers are also people with social needs, we hope to still capture them as guests (especially while on their nomadic journeys) without marketing directly to them as “business travelers,” but instead as people who are interested in an incredible stay somewhere special - a “city resort.”
A place to be experienced.
Additionally, it’s worth noting while we know people are looking for friends, hardly anyone would choose a place that was first offering “friendship,” and everyone has a different definition of the desired level of closeness in a new friend. It takes on average 200 hours spent with someone over time to consider them a “close friend.” This is why during a short stay or a retreat experience we can best deliver on incredible shared and participatory experiences that contribute to an atmosphere of “camaraderie.” This is the same phenomenon that occurs at a great work conference, wedding, or music festival -- shared experiences, fast friends and bonds, that might lead to more later.
Note: If someone wants to stay with us and enjoy the incredible physical experience of our hotel and F&B, and not talk to a single human the entire time, they’re absolutely welcome to. We will even leverage the best tech so you literally don’t have to talk to a single person on site and you can self check in, get room service, etc.
But our core offering will be for people who want to engage and participate in a different kind of travel and collective experiences.
To put it simply: when you come over and stay with us, I’ll join you at our restaurant.
The hotel brand that I’m building is designed to be the answer to these needs
The entry point for our guest (hopefully you) is “A house of experiences.” The reason why someone will enjoy their stay though and come back and to future locations, is the atmosphere of camaraderie fostered - meeting cool new people and enjoying those transformational travel experiences alongside them.
We already know that it is highly likely that this camaraderie is lacking in our guests’ day-to-day lives. As we’ve described, half of them are lonely, and the older they are, the less close friends they have.
The traveler on vacation has a mindset that is more open to experiences, connection, and more time on their hands to dedicate to those experiences. In an era of AI-curated itineraries and travel influencers, shared camaraderie and in-person experiences amongst travelers will be an offering that travelers will willingly pay for, especially if that offering is included in the same place and price of where they are sleeping.
So, I’m building:
A house of experiences, resulting in guests…
Feeling camaraderie, meeting and spending time with incredible cool people IRL,
Feeling warmth and belonging in spaces
Experiencing incredible, inspiring and unique IRL experiences on site and throughout the amazing city you’re staying in
Reconnecting with your own senses, feeling like you’re staying at a home you’d really want to come back to in a city you’re visiting
Staying at a place that has a life of its own, no empty spaces
Spending your downtime in nourishing, explorative, curious ways
Sleeping so well
Feeling like magic exists again
Forgetting to look at your phone
Belonging to a community when you’re traveling, and long after
What do you think?
Love,
Jenna
P.S. New offerings in my store, connective labor included
