You know those icebreaker questions that people ask each other?
Have you ever heard the one that goes something like “if you could have any kind of superpower, what would it be?”
Do you want to fly? Be invisible? Live forever? Communicate telepathically?
God forbid, read minds?
My answer to this question, for as long as I can remember, has been this:
If I could have any superpower, it would be to speak every single language.
With that superpower we’d see the best of humanity in every word, phrase - beauty in all the differences.
We’d see all the ways we’ve misunderstood, misinterpreted each other too.
Maybe the truth would be so much clearer -
No, that’s not right. That’s never right, under any circumstance.
…
This superpower only really works if everyone has it.
•
My dear friend Bardia taught me a phrase in Farsi today.
He taught it to me through a story -
Once upon a time when he was a kid, he was picked on in school because he was very different from the other kids where he lived. It also meant that the teachers unfairly would be that much harder on him, simply because he was different, probably too because he was smarter and more talented than the other kids, and, you know, they just didn’t like that - ingrained racism.
He said that when going in for parent-teacher conferences as a kid, his wonderful mom would sit him down beforehand and say something like:
“Hey, remember that you don’t have to own what they say about you. I know who you are. نگذار حقت را بخورند”
نگذار حقت را بخورند
Nagzaar haghet ra bokhorand
Definition: Don't let them "eat" (take away) your right -->
Don't let someone get away with treating you unfairly.
•
This has been something that I have admittedly been bad at, until very recently.
Usually, I just take it. I go quiet. Let it pass.
It requires a hell of *a lot* for me to say that someone hurt me, to point out that no, I really don’t deserve that.
No. You know what? It’s actually not okay.
In Tokyo I learned that I often use my own version of ちょっと -
ちょっと
Chotto
Definition: Varied use, directly translated it means “a little” or “a bit.” It can be taken as a polite no, as an excuse. A softer way to decline.
I have, for a very long time, been the smiling queen of Chotto -
[Thing happens that hurts you, that would hurt anyone.]
*Silence*
Aren’t you hurt?
Chotto.
I’m good.
•
We all have our own alchemy - turning negative events into air. Moving past it into a “it made me stronger,” or worse “I can take it.”
The silent absorption of the ick.
I’m good at that. I don’t want to be.
My guess is that you are too.
The thing is, when you’re quiet, you break the feedback loop.
You take away that person’s opportunity to be kindly corrected so that they learn that the thing that they’re doing is not okay.
Or worse, someone keeps doing that thing because they can get away with it - with you - and most likely with other people too.
Or even worse -
By being quiet or staying in status quo you are now complicit in the current and future ick that person is inflicting on someone else.
If *you* are too scared to say something, think about all the people who aren’t as tough as you?
Thinking back through my life, the biggest pain I’ve ever experienced was not directly inflicted, it was by someone else not speaking up and drawing a line to protect me when they should have.
How do you break that cycle?
نگذار حقت را بخورند
Nagzaar haghet ra bokhorand
Definition: Don't let them "eat" (take away) your right -->
Don't let someone get away with treating you unfairly.
Even if they still never learn -
Don’t absorb it.
It’s not yours.
Someday soon we’ll speak all the languages, all the words, and remember how beautiful this is supposed to be.
Love,
Jenna
Recent reviews of The Hours Before Dusk by Jenna Matecki:
“I have travelled a lot. Opening the book gave me a glimpse of cities where I have been from a point of view of a poet. Making me feel back at these cities and places. Making me miss food and music and love” - Omarito on Barnes & Noble
“Reading this book was a pure delight. All along I’ve felt like I was by the author’s side, living all these experiences, meeting all these people. It takes brilliance to be able to create these sensations in the reader: there are times in The Hour Before Dusk when I was moved in the way that the Little Prince moved me. This book is about Universal Love; love of the other, love of our planet, love of every single moment. This book inspired me to be more present, for Ms. Matecki shows us that we can find beauty in every single moment, no matter how uneventful this event is. I cannot wait to read Ms. Matecki’s next book, and I cannot urge you enough to rush and read this one.” - Adam on Barnes & Noble
“Matecki’s written work is like being stuck in a reverie, both lyrical and reminiscent. A perfect book to read in your 20s” - Phoebe on Goodreads