About a decade ago I asked a friend of mine who is a psychologist what most of her clients need more of, across the board.
She responded with something like this, paraphrased from my brain and across time:
“When I’m with my son and he has a tantrum, the first thing I think of is how he’s doing physically - ‘Are you comfortable? Did you eat? Do you need warmer socks on?’ Yet somehow adults completely forget this when they are taking care of themselves. They’ll be upset and they don’t ask themselves about what’s happening in their bodies, first. Sometimes it really is that simple - you’re exhausted, you need food, water. You’re too hot, cold. You need a bath.”
I found that to be brilliant and it’s been lodged in my mind (or is it somewhere else? my left pinky toe?) ever since.
Now that so many of my friends are professional hosts in some way, shape, or form - I’ve noticed how in tune they are with the frequency of these basic needs of the people around them.
Spending time with these people spoils you rotten.
How magically a plate of tomato slices with fresh sunny olive oil drizzled on top will seemingly appear out of nowhere with a wink. A mug of warm barley tea. A scarf wordlessly wrapped around a friend’s shoulders after a barely perceptible shiver.
It’s a love language - all things somatic.
When you get it right it’s a threshold to comfort, a portal to a deeper level of understanding, a gateway to intimacy. Resonance.
When it’s wrong, you’ve lost someone before you’ve all even started.
Think of conversations you’ve had while swimming. In a sauna. Picking at something incredibly delicious. Wrapped in a blanket. Going on a run together.
You get somewhere further, right?
Even walking and talking there’s something special unlocked.
If this kind of talk lights you up, do a deep-dive into bilateral stimulation, forest bathing, walk-and-talk therapy… I’ll happily send you more.
You arrive in your body, first.
And if you aren’t there, none of what you experience will really hit as strongly as it could.
We are porous, permeable creatures - sensitive bodies of water.
We have physical, somatic needs.
When they’re tended to, the rest of us can arrive.
I’m currently drinking a deep red hibiscus tea, nibbling on the last bits of a crispy, mineral apple, with a hot water bottle on my lap, and my feet up on a padded stool underneath my desk while my sweet black cat lounges in a sunny spot on the floor next to me and yawns when he realizes that I’m giving him attention.
I hear the cars and some motorcycles zoom up the street outside the window, muffled voices of passerby, and the tap tap of these worn-down keys as I press them.
These small comforts of mine all lead to us having this suspended moment now, as you read this in your inbox.
What is deliciously comfortable, for you?
What are the small physical things that, when you tend to them, change the quality, color, light behind everything else you do?
Amazing experiences start there, first.
That’s where you find someone, before they even enter the room.
Love,
Jenna
